Madeline Alice Spohr

I've got no words for this one. Heaven is lucky today...it's graced by Maddie.

Spotty much? Why yes.

So my blogging has been mad spotty lately. I apologize for that, for those of you that do click back to see what I'm up to.

I've been in a bit of a Mood lately, and semi throwing myself a pity party, for reasons unknown. I have also decided not to share said pity party with the interwebs, lest you all think I am a whiny little bitch, mostly because I can't even pinpoint the reason I am not happy, save for a few vague ideas.

I don't have much to be unhappy about. School's over (still waiting for marks but that's normal at this point), I'm not a million miles from home anymore, I just started a new job that I like and the money will be rolling in soon to take care of finances...life should be pretty good. So why I am in a mood that I can't shake is baffling me.

Either way, if my blogging or Twittering is quiet for a bit, excuse it. I'm just trying not to share my stupid rain cloud with you.

Help find Tori

There's a little girl missing from Southwestern Ontario. She is 8 years old and her name is Victoria Stafford, but she also goes by Tori. She disappeared on April 8. She left school and hasn't been since since.

Tori has blonde hair, blue eyes, is 4'6 and 62 lbs and was last seen wearing a green shirt, jean skirt and a Hannah Montana jacket. This is Tori:


There has not been an Amber Alert issued, as there is no proof of abduction. Search parties are out locally, but the more eyes that see her picture, the more likely she is to come home alive. Please pass this one, or link this blog. She's been missing for 2 days, so she could be out of province, or even in the US by now.

If you see her, call 911 or Crimestoppers at 1-800-222-TIPS (8477). Please pass this on.

Lying

Sorry I haven't updated for a while. Between dealing with cramming a lot of school work into one week, exams and friends being stupid, all it would have been was ranting posts, and seriously, who wants to read ten of those in a row? No one, that's who. Anyway, that's all over now, and I'll keep you posted on the transfer process. Now to the real entry.
______________________________________________________________________________________

I told one of my friends a bold faced lie yesterday. Bold. Faced. Lie. I said I was working when I wasn't. I just started a new job on the weekend, and I'm already using it as an excuse to get away from friends. Um...oops?

The thing is, she's driving me bananas. We're looking for a place for next year, and usually, she's the quieter, more reserved one of the two of us, but lately, she's been drinking out of my vodka bottle water bottle and has moved to beyond pushy. We've agreed on a few terms: she wants to be close to campus, I want utilities included and laundry on site, and yet I keep getting ads that are miles from campus, hydro is extra and the "laundromat is just down the street."

No. Just no.

I've been burned by having to pay hydro before, when it skyrocketed in the winter due to shitty insulation, and I'm not doing it again. I also don't want to load my laundry in the back of my truck and drive it somewhere just to wash it. This seems reasonable to me, and it seems stupid to even look at places that don't have the things we want. Its a waste of my time, her time and the poor landlord's time.

So anyway, she booked appointments this morning for two places that don't meet what we want, so I lied. Yes I did. I lied and said I had to work, and that if they were worth checking out, she should let me know. It seemed easier that biting her head off, which is what my initial urge was. So there. I'm a lying lie liar. And I'm okay with it, because right now, its saving my sanity from looking at a basement apartment without laundry, hydro extra.

Exams Part Two

Another short post, because, um, hi. Need sleep. Exam one is done and over with. Exam two is tomorrow. Although I crammed like a champ tonight, I feel less prepared for this one, and its scaring me.

So keep me in your thoughts tomorrow morning. I can use all the divine intervention I can get, and I'm being totally serious. I procrastinated too long and studied in a very short amount of time and I fear its all leaking out my ears.

Exams

There's a bit of a lack of blogging, and even blog reading, going on in my world. I've got exams on Friday and Saturday, and a few assignments and a buttload of a reading to do before then, so until further notice, my nose is buried in a book, due to a massive amount of procrastination (what else is new?).

Send good vibes my way, these matter a lot for the transfer process.

"You're next!"

Its my uncle's favourite thing to tell me at family holidays. "You're next!" Why am I next? Because in order of age of my cousins, I'm next in line to get married and start popping out the rugrats. Good times, good times. With my cousin who's two years older than me getting married next month, I'm the last grandchild that's marrying age that is unwed. And with many friends from high school getting engaged, married and announcing pregnancies, my head can't help but think, "HUH?! ALREADY?! But...but...we're so young!" (VERY early 20s, for those of you keeping score at home)

And good for them, if they're happy. I mean that sincerely. If its right for them, good for them. But when I see someone carting a baby seat around at a party, you'll have a hard time selling it to me that they're happy. Parents who bring their baby somewhere where their friends are boozing hard don't want to be mommies at that point in time. They just want to be like the rest of us, who aren't getting up at 3 AM for a feeding.

I look at some single mothers my age, and watch them trying to balance school (if they haven't already dropped out), the baby, their family, their friends and social life, child support and visits (sometimes supervised - way to choose a winner there) with babydaddy and all I can think is "No. Thank. You." I don't ever want that life. I don't want to live off a combo of welfare, support payments and mothers allowance. Not on your life.

So maybe I'm next. I still makes me want to backhand the person who says that. But you better believe that when I have kids, I'll be having kids because I'm ready to be a mom...not because I was forced to be a mom to a baby that was already here. My test for whether I'm ready for parenthood is simple. When I see on the stick and it says positive, I want to say "YES!!!!" instead of "Oh shit, what now?"

Filling the space...for now.

So um, I did the whole flighty blogger thing again. Sorry about that. I've got a couple posts slowly being written, edited, rewritten and re-edited in my head right now, so until they make it out of my fingertips, here's some survey love, stolen from Angela at Lost in Splendor.


1. If you were drafted into a war, would you serve?

- Depends what the cause is. If someone attacked Canada for no good reason, maybe. If someone I loved got killed in the process, the chances elevate. Things like that. So I guess the short answer is "If I believed in the cause."

2. Do you sleep with the TV on?

- Noooo. I hate sleeping with noise.

3. Have you ever won a spelling bee?

- I sure the heck did. I was a smartypants in elementary school.

4. How fast can you type?

- I have no idea how many wpm, but I'm pretty quick

5. Are you afraid of the dark?

- Not even a little. If I'm in a familiar setting, its peaceful. Plus, I love the stars.

6. What color are your socks?

- White top, black bottom. Sports socks. Its all I wear.

7. Have you ever made out at a drive-in?

- Nope, we don't have one round these here parts.

8. When is the last time you chose a bath over a shower?

- For cleanliness, never. To lounge around, I just use the hot tub.

9. Are you good at keeping secrets?

- Extremely. I love being the only one, or one of few, that knows something, and to maintain that, I have to keep my mouth shut, don't I?

10. Do you talk in your sleep?

- Nope.

11. Do you wish on your fallen eyelashes?

- Naaaah.

12. Have you ever asked for a pony?

- Bahaha, I have a horse. So that'd be a yes.

13. Have you, or would you ever, donate sperm/eggs?

- No way. Those would be my bio kids.

14. If you could enact any new law, what would it be?

- Can I make idiocy illegal?

15. Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?

- Never. I should have been but I was Suzy High School...on every sports team, running numerous clubs and committees. Those buggers needed me, so they gave me detention and looked the other way when I skipped it. (If only life was like that)

16. Have you ever eaten dog food?

- Can't say I have.

17. Can you handle the truth?

- Always. And I'm usually the one dishing them out.

18. Do you like green eggs and ham?

- I do not like them, Sam I am.

19. Who did you last shoot a dirty look at?

- That honour goes to...my horse.

20. What kind of car do you drive?

- 2008 Chevy 2500HD Quad Cab (looks a lot like this) Its my precious.

21. Have you ever had a garage sale?

- Yes, when I was a kid.

22. What color is your iPod?

- Blue

23. What’s for dinner tonight?

- Thai food

24. What is the last drink you drank?

- Iced tea

25. How long is your hair?

- Just past mah boobs.

26. Are you happy right now?

- Yes and no. There's things I'm happy with and things I'm working on.

27. Do you drink beer?

- Does a bear shit in the woods?

28. What is your favorite key chain on your keys?

- I don't have keychains. I have keys on a lanyard and thats it. So, um, the lanyard?

29. What DVD is in your DVD player?

- House

30. What’s something fun you did today?

- Made cookies

31. When is your birthday?

- September

32. Where did you buy the shirt you’re wearing now?

- Abercrombie and Fitch

33. Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror?

- No, and I will shoot anyone who tries to put fuzzy dice in my truck.

34. Do you like pickles?

- Yes but only cold. I can't eat them on a burger cause they get warm. Gag me.

35. What is your favorite kind of gum?

- Mint. And I always have gum on the go. There's some in my room, in my truck, in my purse, and POSSIBLY a pack in my laptop case, but who's counting?

36. Who was the last person to call you baby?

- No one, and it'll stay that way if they know whats good for them.

37. Has anyone ever sung to you?

- Yes. My ears were never the same. Kiiiiiiiiiidding.

38. If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?

- Sure. I can hunt, fish, build shelter, kill an animal, make a fire. Yeah, I'd be cool. The benefits of country living.

39. Do you like your parents?

- Some days, I do. Some days, I don't. But I love them.

40. Why did your last relationship end?

- Because we were so much alike that we either got along fantastically or clashed like the Greek gods. Once the clashing was far more frequent that the getting along, it was time to call it quits.

41. What song do you HATE?

- Almost everything by Coldplay.

42. Do you like chocolate?

- Again with the stupid questions! Of course I do.

The glory of roommates

Oh roommates. The fun that is trying to strike a balance between two unrelated people who are living together but not sleeping together. I think the word "roommate" now puts a chill in my spine. I've been through my fair share of roommates over the past few years, thanks to university. (Hang on, I'm counting in my head) 10 in 4 years, to be exact. Some were more than one at a time, thank you very much. I'm a horrible roommate and a great roommate all rolled into one, depending on what time of the day it is, how much caffeine I've had and whether you've annoyed me lately. So lets examine that for fun.

5 Reasons Why The Grown Up Teenager is a BAD roommate
- I stay up late. Really late. If you're a light sleeper, this doesn't translate well. At all.
- I grew up in a big house with lots of space, and tons of land around it. Being cramped into a small amount of space in the concrete jungle (aka a university dorm) does not a happy me make.
- That house I mentioned? There were no other kids. I'm an only child. It's an adjustment living with people under the age of 30. I'm not sure I like it.
- I'm territorial. Probably a spill over from the only child thing, but if a space (my room) or an object is mine, I expect you to stay out and don't touch it, respectively. Borrowing my stuff without asking makes me murderous.
- I'm confrontational. I suck at knowing when to avoid a fight. I'm also blunt. Put those two together and you've got someone who's going to tell you how it is, loudly. Its hurt feelings before.

Now after that bit of self loathing, we'll move on to the positive points, before I crush my own ego!

5 Reasons The Grown Up Teenager is a GOOD roommate
- I'm neat and clean. I'm not the kid who will leave dirty dishes in the sink, dirty laundry on the floor and not clean my room for months. I can't do it. Dirty makes me unhappy
- I'm good at listening, and giving advice when solicited. If I'm asked to keep something in confidence, I do.
- Because of my territory issues mentioned above, there's no risk of me invading your room, borrowing or using your stuff, etc. I can't be a hypocrite!
- You'll never wonder what I'm thinking. I'm not the person who keeps everything to themselves and explodes on you when you're unsuspecting. If you tick me off, I let you know. We resolve. We move on. Simple.
- I cook well and own a quad cab Chevy truck (my country roots are showing). No, those have nothing to do with each other, but since they benefit me the most and roommates secondarily, I combined them. I like cooking for people so roommates get the fringe benefits, and having my truck makes me immensely popular because not only does it have just as many seats as most sedans, it also has a ton of storage space in the bed and towing capacity. Makes for fun weekends, and I will say no more.

And now, just for fun...

Tales of Epic Roommate Fail
-I had a roommate who had never cooked before. This girl could burn water. She did these three within a week: when told to "wash" the rice before she cooked it, she used dish soap. Bubbly rice. Next time, she was told to add salt to the rice before she cooked it. She added enough that it could have been cut and sold as horse licks. Third: she put long grain black rice in with Minute Rice. It came out purple. Purple, I say.
- Same roommate, same year. She was in the bedroom next to mine. Her boyfriend came for a weekend visit. They were, ehm, enjoying each other's company and both felt out of bed at 2 AM (single bed in res), onto the floor, which was concrete covered in thin carpet. Bang.
- Different roommate, same year. She got a bottle of wine from her cousin who got it from his roommate, who pilfered it while working at his uncle's winery. I'm sure you can tell where this was going. She drank the whole bottle that night, in between eating Miss Vickies salt and vinegar chips, because the wine was over fermented and repulsive. She went into the kitchen while tanked to get a cup of water, and while standing at the sink, she fell sideways into the fridge, bounced off, fell backwards and cracked her head on the ceramic floor. This wouldn't be nearly as funny as it is were it not for the fact that after she landed with a hard *crack*, she said "Don't worry, guys! I didn't feel it! ....But I probably will tomorrow...."

So your turn. Lets hear some funny roommate tales. More epic fails to add to my list. Rant away. I love hearing these stories!

The internet is a trip back to immaturity sometimes

Earlier tonight, I wrote a frustrated Tweet about feeling ready to burn my Twitter, my blog and anything else associated with that Internet community. I may or may not go through with it; I plan on taking tonight to sleep it off and see if the anger wears off in the morning before I shoot things all to hell.

That said, the blogging community disgusts me sometimes. Its not that people blog, or how personal that get. That's their call and they have to do what's right by them. Its how people behave towards each other via the Internet that's absolutely sickening some days, and today, was enough to make me want to remove myself from any association with any of it.

People get some really big balls when they're on the Internet. Its easy to hide behind the safety of a computer and comment on someones blog anonymously. Its also easy as hell to comment with your name, or Tweet about them, or write a post about them because you probably never have to face them again, right? You don't know them, they don't know you, and you can hide behind the safety of your laptop, writing snarky judgmental things you wouldn't have the guts to say in person.

Maybe growing up in the middle of nowhere changed my perspective on all of this. I try not to publicly say things about someone if I couldn't look them in the eye after saying it. I'm used to having to look the same people in the eye, day after day. The people I went to school with were in my class every year, from kindergarten to grade 12, no exaggeration. I'm used to facing the consequences of bad mouthing someone. They find out, and having to face them sucks. Period.

But its one thing for someone in elementary school to talk badly about someone else. They're young, they're immature. But when grown women (or men!) do it online, its pretty sickening. When I read a post that's slamming another blogger for a choice she made, or hating on a particular group of mothers for choosing not to use product X or parenting school X for their baby*, I wonder what grade we're all in. Really? What's next, people? The note that says "Are you mad at so-and-so? Check yes or no"?

Can we not all just live our own lives, and celebrate THOSE on our blogs? Can we do it without calling someone out that we don't even know? Talk about your friends, your family, your life...and don't worry that you don't agree with the decisions strangers make.

The next time you're contemplating posting a negative Tweet or blog or comment about someone, ask yourself how it would feel if you ran into that person the day after they read what you're saying, and had to explain it to their face, and see if you still think its the right thing to do.

*I'm not linking to any of the posts that set this rant off. A couple of them are pretty asshat-ish and don't need any more publicity from me than they're already gotten.

Roasted chickpea snacks

So from time to time, other bloggers I love post some recipes they've made, so I may be doing the same, if a recipe astounds me or is an old family favourite that some people would like to be let in on.

Today's recipe is roasted chickpea snacks. Bethany Actually posted on Twitter about making these the other day, and linked the recipe. Now I'm a self proclaimed hater of all things that are hot-spicy. I love me some flavour-spicy but hot-spice can suck it. Right after I suck back a pitcher of water if it hits my tongue.

So needless to say, I was a bit skeptical about putting curry powder on perfectly innocent chickpeas. I mean, what did they ever do to me? Then I looked at the recipe and watched both of the authors children taunt me by eating and loving them. If kids could stomach them, so could I, dang it.

So I made them. And they are DE-LISH.

The original recipe link is right here. This is not my recipe, all credit to whoever came up with these delicious morsels. But either way, I've copied it below. Variations would definitely work, and I want to make ranch ones next. Yummity yum yum.

Roasted Chickpea Snacks
Total time: about 1 hour, most of it unattended roasting time

Ingredients
1 15-ounce can chickpeas, drained, rinsed, drained again, and spread on paper towels to dry
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 teaspoon curry powder
½ teaspoon garlic powder
½ teaspoon kosher salt or half as much table salt (more if there's none in your curry powder)

Heat the oven to 400. Heat the oil in a small pan over low heat, then add the curry and garlic powders, and stir until fragrant. Turn off the heat, pour in the chickpeas, and stir gently with a rubber spatula until they're coated with the oil and spice. Spread them in a foil-lined rimmed baking pan and bake for forty-five minutes to an hour, shaking the pan every ten minutes or so. When they're done, some will be brown and crunchy and some will be golden and still a bit soft in the middle and, ideally, none will be totally black.

Make them, enjoy them, remember that chickpeas are healthy and scarf em down, and report back to me with any amazing variations.

Shredheads

Now I really have jumped on the bandwagon. I think I shall declare myself a Shredhead. Click on that link if you wanna join in the pain, I mean fun. This is all Christina's fault, and you are to blame her in my obituary if Jillian Michaels kills me.

So with no further ado, let the honesty begin!

a) Before pictures
Haha, you are funny. Between not being comfortable with my weight and not releasing my real name or location, pictures are a no no.

b) Tag Line
Bathing Suit Body by 2010 (I'm being realistic, peeps. If I lose as much weight as I want to by the summer, I'd have developed an eating disorder. Slow and steady)

c) Weight
190 lbs. (Did I REALLY just write that? Oh shit, I did)

d) Goal
140 or less.

e) Diet Plan
More veggies, less chocolate. More meals. I only eat twice daily, its probably not helping my metabolism much.

f) Personal Rules (not eating carbs, only drinking water)
No girly pushups, no fast food, nothing pre-prepared (no microwavable dinners).

g) Shred Plan (how often, what level, etc.)
At least 5 times a week, preferably 6 or 7. Level 2 or higher, and no less than 5 lb weights, dangit.

I'm going to be realistic with myself. A loss or gain of a pound or two doesn't make or break. Its usually water or a food baby. I'll celebrate or kick myself in the butt if its 5 pounds or more. I'm using heavier weights and doing the more advanced moves because I'm an athlete, I can take the butt kicking.

Wish me luck!

Q &A Time

I love getting asked questions, because I know at least one person will be interested in my response, so when I saw that Angela, over at Lost In Splendor had a Q&A session with Bethany, from Bethany Actually, and was inviting her readers to join in, I jumped. Here are her five questions for me, and my answers.

1. You are still very new to the wild world of blogging. What made you want to start? Are you enjoying it so far?
I sure am a blogging newbie. It took me forever to change my layout last night, dangit. I started reading blogs a few years ago, when I stumbled on one thanks to a Google search. I've always thought about starting one, but never got around to it until now. I started as a form of personal therapy, throwing things out to the internet that I can't say, for whatever reason, in real life, and has progressed into just sharing my thoughts, feelings and rants, and so far, its pretty cathartic. I want to work on getting more readers or traffic, cause comments make me happy. :)

2. You just moved. I really hate the moving process. Are you settled in and enjoying your new place or are you still surrounded by boxes?
Oh ye old moving process. I'm a professional mover by now, so yes, everything's unpacked. There are no boxes anymore. Why is this, you ask? Because I have moved *counts on fingers* 9 times in the past 4 years. Yes, 9.

Now its not as bad as you think, because it was into residence in first year of university and home for the summer (running total: 2), into an apartment and back home for summer in second year (4), into a house, into another house (which is material for a future bloggy rant) and then home for summer in third year (up to 7 now), and into another house this past September and home now (9!).

So technically, its not a new place...I'm at Casa Des Parentes, so its the oldest place I know. But its cheap rent ($0 per month), good cooking and near my closest and oldest friends, so I'm happy about it. It'll only be until the fall, but I'll be in a city that 45 minutes away instead of 6 hours. Can you see my grin?

3. I heard you're working on transferring schools. How's that going? Also, what's your major?
I am indeed working on transferring. I had some major homesickness issues when I was as far away as I used to be so being closer is the major motivation. Its at a halt right now, because I have to finish 2 correspondence courses that I'm working on, and I have little to no willpower to work on things at home. Self scheduling may work fantastically for some people, but I am not one of them. But until I have those marks, nothing progresses so I definitely spent 3 hours working on those courses yesterday. So work in progress.

I'm doing a joint honours degree, which confuses the heck out of most people. Basically, I'm doing two honours bachelor's degrees at one time. (Why? You tell me and we'll both know). So my majors are history and criminology. They're hellish nightmarish subjects with a lot of reading, and I like it.

4. *POOF!* You have a new magical power! What is it?
Its a tie, and I can't pick. I'm torn between flight and invisibility. They'd both be a pretty cool experience, and get you out of some pretty tight spots. Plus, I'd never have to deal with the airline losing my luggage!

5. You don't have an about-me section. Why is that? Inquiring minds want to know more about you!
There's a couple reasons for that. First, because whenever I try to write an "About me," I either feel ridiculously vain (if I start bragging about things I do, or my life), or like I'm writing a profile for a dating site (single, height, likes, dislikes). I know it probably doesn't come across that way, and I read lots of "About me" sections to find out more about the person, but when I'm the one writing, it always seems different. I actually did attempt to write one for this blog and trashed it because of that.

Second, as I'm sure you've noticed, I write under a pseudonym. This is to protect both myself and people I care about from backlash. I'm pretty candid on here when I'm ticked off, hurt, etc, and sometimes, its a vent that I haven't and won't say to the person who I'm talking about, because once I've vented a bit, its over. But if I release too much info about me, and said person somehow finds my site (the internet may be large, but its also very, very small) and knows its me, they may also realize I'm talking about them, and that can just get ugly.

That said, anyone can ask me as many questions as they want to. I'm pretty open to answering things about me, save for "What's your real name? What's your street address?" cause that is just creepage.

Your turn. If you want to be involved, leave a comment with your e-mail and I'll send you 5 questions for your blog!

How far back did I lose you?

Isn't it weird when someone who you would expect to know you quite well does something stupid and mundane that proves they really have no idea?

My mom came home with a painting for me. The woman who waxes my eyebrows did it...she's on some Zen trip, and painting is her way to make others happy, which is supposed to make her happy. I don't know, but whatever floats her boat, right? She asked my mom which I would like: yellow or blue. My mom picked yellow.

My favourite colour is blue.

My favourite colour has been blue since I was in elementary school. I wear blue, I decorate with blue, I like blue. Do I really need to say more on how out of touch with who I am my mother has suddenly become? It freaks me out, possibly more than it should, that she couldn't pick something I'd pick in colours. Not taste, clothes, style, anything else. Just a colour. Am I freaking out too much over something stupid?

(Disclaimer: I'm an equally opportunity colour person. I don't hate yellow, although sometimes its a little too in your face happy. But anyone who knows me knows that, if given a choice between blue and green, its blue every time)

30 Day Shred

Oh yes I did. I jumped on the bandwagon. I jumped on, and am waving my bandwagon flag.

Actually, no, not yet. I just bought the damn DVD, so don't bring out the torches. I've got a pair of 3 lb weights and a pair of 5 lb weights. I really want to push myself with this, because as a former athlete, being out of shape is even more bothersome for me. Hopefully, I'll need the 8 lbers I've already got pretty soon.

Either way, the Shred starts on Monday. Why wait, you ask? Psh. Cause Monday is when I have the house to myself and can sweat and curse at Jillian Michaels in privacy. And lord knows there will be some sweating and swearing going on, from the looks of this DVD.

Have any of you done the Shred? Comments and suggestions, or reviews, are totally welcome.

Relay for Life

Cancer has touched almost every life. I don't know many people that haven't lost a friend, family member or loved one to one form or another of this disease. I have a few people that were very dear to my heart that were lost (some old, and some very young) to this disease. That's what, this year, I'm participating in the Relay for Life with the Canadian Cancer Society.

Anyone who would like to pledge me, please contact me at grownupteenager@gmail.com I'd link my pledge sheet, but it puts my real (first and last) name out there for the entire interwebs to see, so I'll wait until someone is interested. Also, if you're interested in participating, PLEASE DO. Its a phenomenal event that raised over 50 million dollars for research last year.

Please help make cancer HISTORY.

Visit the Canadian Cancer Society's Relay for Life Website. Its worth a click.

There's no place like home

God, I've been a flighty blogger again.

Um, so the move is over. No big drama. I had everything sitting organized in boxes when my dad got to my place. We were loaded and on the road within 45 minutes, which is pretty fantastic. It was a long drive home (almost 7 hours in a not-so-comfortable truck), but worth it. Lordy am I ever glad to be here.

My niece (who is currently 21 months old) did a happy dance in the window when she saw me for the first time and came at me like a bullet when I came through the door, and that innocent reaction sealed the deal for me. Home is where I belong.

I'm unpacking much more slowly that I usually do, because it doesn't feel like I get to stay. Its school Reading Week right now (Spring Break for you Yankees) so it still feels like I should be going back in a week. Whenever I remind myself that I'm not, I grin. Big and cheesy.

Anyway, there's not a lot of exciting news, but I wanted to at least get a new post up and not feel like I was abandoning my blog. I've got a new fitness routine that I want to try, so that's a future post, so stay tuned. ;)

Leaving

The move date is officially this Thursday. This produces gigantic YAY from the deepest part of me. I'm so excited to go home, closer to my friends, with my family and start to really focus on getting myself back on the track that I want to be one. So seriously. Huge yay. Not diminishing the yay factor.

But. (Isn't there always a but?)

I'm having a hard time with realizing how many friends here (or should I more accurately call them "friends" now?) can't be bothered to take time to see me in person and say goodbye before I leave. I told countless people back in early January, when the decision was made, that I was leaving, and while the date got pushed up from March to February, they still had a month's notice, and a lot of people that I really thought would want to say goodbye (do dinner, do coffee, go to a movie, hell just hang out) haven't.

They haven't called, e-mailed, texted, Facebook'd or anything else, and I'm expecting a lot of "Oh its a shame I didn't see you before you left" lip service once I'm home, because, hello, have I mentioned I'm moving in THREE DAYS? There's packing to be done, and lots of it, and other things to settle before I take off, so there won't be time for getting together the day before I leave.

Its just kinda hitting me hard in the gut tonight that people can't be bothered. Maybe I've been spoiled with friendships in my lifetime, but when I was leaving at the end of summer, I saw one friend for a day, and the next day, she was in town and wanted to go for coffee before she went home. I laughed and reminded her she had seen me the day before, and she laughed back at me and said she wanted to see me as much as possible before I was gone. And this is someone who knew she'd see me at Thanksgiving, Christmas, Reading Week, Easter, etc.

The people here know, because I've told them, that I'm leaving for good. Not coming back. Gone. Done. Finished. And they still can't be bothered, and it stings a little. Or maybe a lot. I need comfort food and a movie night with my real friends.

The lost ones

Maybe I'm having a particularly nostalgic day today, but I can't stop thinking about the fish--I mean friends that got away. You know the friends that you got into a blowout fight with and flat out said "I never want to see you again"? No, not them. I'm talking about the ones that slowly got away...grew apart, changed, went different directions in life, whatever other reasons. THOSE ones.

I'm not a big fan of change, and I'd love to believe that my best friends now will be my best friends for the rest of my life (BFF, y'all). But when I graduated from high school, I got a pretty big kick in the gut about that one. I started to realize, as a few years went by, that the main thing I had in common with some of my friends was simply that we went to the same school. Remove that common denominator and suddenly, there was an ocean of differences between us.

We all went in such different directions. Some went to college, some to university, one's married with a planned (after marriage) child, a couple have oops-but-loved children, one's living in welfare housing with an idiot abusive boyfriend...but I digress. That's another subject for another day. My point is that we're all different now. We're not sharing the fact that we're seniors in high school and about to be unleashed on the world. We've been unleashed from the nest. Some of us flew, some tumbled and then caught the hang of it, and some crash landed on the ground. That's life for ya.

I'm just thinking about some of the ones that slipped away, and missing the closeness we used to have when I realize we'll probably never get it back. We're in different places, and unless both lives change drastically, we'll never be in the same place again. I still see enough about them on Facebook that I know what's going on, and we do lip service to the "Lets get together for coffee when we're all home for *insert next major holiday here*!" but it just never seems to be a priority for either party.

Maybe we've grown up. But more likely, we've grown apart. And that's the part of the growing process that stings sometimes.

Volun-told

*Update below*

So today's the first day of volunteering, or as I more appropriately refer to it, volun-told-ing. I don't think it counts as volunteering if you're not doing it voluntarily, and I'm sure not. I've got 15 hours of volunteer work (or community service, if you so desire) to complete to make this whole taking-something-that-wasn't-mine thang go away.

The fact that I can make it go away: mad awesome. But I'd prefer paying someone off to doing this. I had to go community service in high school too (a graduation requirement, don't worry, I'm not a habitual criminal) but for them, I could pick and choose when, where and with who I did it, as long as I had the hours done by diploma day. With this program, they pick.

So I'm volun-told-ing at a thrift store, run by a church. For 15 hours. I can barely stand to be in a thrift store for 15 minutes to look for something that can be repurposed into a costume for Halloween. Other than that, I don't set foot in them but to drop off used clothing. They're depressing to me! And man, I don't need help with depressed right now.

And on top of it all, I'm running on 5 hours sleep, max, because hi, I'm stressed and I don't sleep when I'm stressed. Boy oh boy, this should be fun.

*Update: It wasn't too terribly bad. I was picking clothes off racks and tossing them in bags, which sure doesn't take rocket science. It was a long day, being on my feet on tile floor all day, but I'd rather do two long days and get this over with quickly than drag it out. 8 hours down, 7 to go.*