Friday, August 14, 2009

For your blogging pleasure

Sometimes, my buddies give me the best blog fodder out there. A lot of the time, I can't figure out how to make the story anonymous enough that I'm not giving identifying details and you suckers miss out on stories that make me laugh hard enough that I can feel the six pack coming in. (Ha!)

Quick back story: One of my best guy friends that I mentioned in my last post has been dating a girl for about 6 months. They're pretty casual, and no one's sure if its going to be a long term thing or not yet. She's a little clingy, which turns most of us off, but other than that, she's an okay person. But apparently, today...she jumped off the deep end into The Crazy.

So my cell phone rings, and I see my friend's name on the caller ID, and pick it up. The following conversation ensues:

Me: What's up, champ?
Him: She--I--FOR FUCK SAKES--I can't believe--
Me: Uh, okay? Hi to you too?
Him: It has NOT been--I am NOT about to--WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE NUTJOBS?
Me: Nutjobs, eh? Okay, so we're discussing your girlfriend, am I on topic now?
Him: YES!
Me: What about her?
Him: She's losing her fucking mind!!!
Me: So send her to the mental ward already. What'd she do this time?
Him: Do you know what she asked me?
Me: No, obviously not so why don't you tell me?
Him: She asked me why I haven't proposed to her yet!!!
Me: Whaaaaaa?
Him: That's what I said. And since I didn't answer, I got a big ass lecture on her needing to know where its going, and if we're not serious enough to get married by now, she is wasting her time and I am stringing her along. And THEN she started talking about how she's got our wedding planned and baby names. Seriously. Baby names--
Me: (cutting him off) We ARE talking about *inserthernamehere*, the girl you've been dating for all of 6 months, right?
Him: YES!
Me: ...Baby names?
Him: Elijah Michael, for the record. And that makes me think of Frodo from Lord of the Rings. And YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE FRODO.
Me: (starting to laugh at this point) Your hypothetical son with your hypothetical wife is going to be named Elijah?
Him: And if I'm not game for that plan, I'm stringing her along. Apparently.
Me: (laughing even harder) Then you better be stringing her along, or we are not friends anymore.
Him: Crazy bitch.
Me: Y'think? So where'd this whole demand for a proposal come from anyway?
Him: Her best friend got engaged.
Me: Monkey see, monkey do.
Him: Are you calling my girlfriend a monkey?
Me: Seems appropriate.
Him: ...Touche. I think we need to go away this weekend. No females allowed.
Me: Ahem
Him: Except you. Of course.

The conversation continues from here, but it gets less funny for the general public, because it includes a lot more references to events only we understand, inside jokes, etc. But seriously, girls...after 6 months of dating? Not the time to ask why he hasn't proposed and picked baby names with you yet. It sends him running for the hills.


*LandOfLaLa* said...

Good Gosh.... & only 6 Months?!?!

Kay said...

Seriously? WTF is wrong with females?? I just finished telling a male friend the other day that 99% of them are psychotic.
Of course, I'm the other 1%.