Monday, June 29, 2009

Old Creaker and His Wrath

I am a night owl by nature. Heck, sometimes I wonder if I am actually nocturnal. I focus as clear as anything at 2 AM but at 6? Dream on, buddy. Dream on. My parents, however, are my polar opposite. They're up before 6 AM every single day, because my mom likes to hit the gym before work, and my dad is just a sucker because he shares her bed and alarm clock (sorry, old man). My parents are regularly in bed by 9:30.

Thus, my nightly prowlings, which have occurred since I was old enough to determine my own bedtime, or lack thereof, are a constant source of strife in this household. When I was living away from home (8 months a year for the last 4 years) I got into the comfortable habit of sleeping when I wanted. University students sleep like rocks and most of us were night owls.

At home, its a different story. My mom wakes up if a mouse sneezes a mile down the road, so me walking around? Oh dear. The kicker? I have to walk by the door of their room to get from the kitchen, living room, den, or anywhere else in the house to my room. I can't go from my room to the kitchen to get juice and back without walking past their door TWICE.

This is where Old Creaker comes in. He's this pesky floorboard right in front of their door and he got his name for a reason. He creaks. Not quietly or gently. Its loud and obnoxious, I tell you. Now you're thinking, "This is to be expected in an old house." Well you would be wrong. The house we're in was built in 2001, dangit. Why are the floorboards out to GET ME?!

I don't know why Old Creaker has a personal vendetta against me. All I know is that he's at his loudest in the middle of the night, when all I'm trying to do is get a drink. So now a simple bit of thirst becomes a dilemma. Do I risk going to the kitchen for juice and waking the bear (also known as my mother) who will, in fact, come out unsuitably dressed, roaring at me for disturbing her intentionally, when all I was trying to do was get some gosh darn juice, or do I remain in my room, safe from noise control police but thirsty and thinking about juice?

I've tried walking around Old Creaker. It makes me look like a tool, since I'm taking a detour in the middle of an empty hallway, but I wouldn't care...if it worked. Which it didn't. Old Creaker saw me coming, and made me feel his wrath. My foot went NOWHERE NEAR THAT BOARD, and it groaned like I was killing it anyway. I've tried going faster than normal. I've tried going extremely slow. I've even tried shuffling in socks, and I hate wearing socks in the house, yo. Nothing works.

I need to find some kind of a sacrifice to the god of floorboards, because I must have done something very offensive to Old Creaker, because I swear to you, it is out to get me. It brings its wrath on me, which brings the motherly wrath on me and that is just. not. pretty. So much unnecessary drama over a floorboard. I tell ya.


Marla said...

Now that sucks... I too have lived away from home for a couple years and I think I might drive my parents crazy when I'm home for the summer.

Lost In Splendor said...

That would so kill me. I'm definitely more of a morning person, but I have a bad habit of avoiding sleep. I need to move around though! Damn creaky board.