Just friends

The debate on whether opposite sexes can simply be friends with no sexual tension/temptation has raged on for...oh, probably longer than I've been alive, which is why I've been somewhat hesistant to share my feelings. However, the word "emotional affair" has come up in my life so often lately that I think its about time. Forgive me if this isn't my most eloquent post.

I have the utmost respect for a person who can see an emotional affair and end a relationship because they deserve better. Let me say that up front. I'm not justifying these, not in the slightest.

However.

Having a close friend of the opposite sex is not the definition of an emotional affair. Confiding in someone other than your significant other is not an emotional affair. It's just not.

We all have people in our lives that are great at different things. Some people are the person that's incredibly easy to spill your guts and cry to, while someone else is the person who can take you out and cheer you up and not talk about whatever is wrong. This doesn't, and shouldn't, end because of a romantic relationship.

As someone who is lucky enough to have a very, very tight knit group of dude friends, I've been on the receiving end of some serious jealousy, coming from girls that date my friends. It happens often, and I haven't gotten any better at dealing with it, mostly because I don't appreciate the suspicion that I'm going to "steal their man."

Yes, we call/text each other the second major life events happen, or when we need advice, or someone to talk to/bitch at/vent to. Of course we do. And yes, sometimes after talking to a friend, you'll come out of it with a bounce in your step that wasn't there before. Heaven forbid that your significant other's friend cheered them up.


I am the best of friends with a great group of guys. None of us have ever been involved romantically. But if one of my friends calls me and needs a friend, I'm not hanging up on him and telling him to call his girlfriend. Simple as that.

Just because you are in a relationship does not mean you lose everything that was you before. There are still friendships and ties outside of it, and for a relationship to be healthy, there should be. Ever seen someone go into a relationship and sacrifice everyone they cared about for it? Yeah, trainwreck.

For me, it comes down to trust. If I can't trust someone to have a friend of the opposite sex and not constantly fear that he is cheating on me, or wants to...why in the name of all things holy am I with this person? Why am I projecting my insecurities on someone who did nothing to earn them? I'm not saying ignore your gut and pretend like its not happening. What I am saying is don't always expect it. Not every person is that person.

When trust is there, and friends don't have to sneak around behind someone's back, or lie to avoid a fight...then yes, guys and girls CAN just be friends.

Miss, table of 1

First off, sorry I've been a lame blogger lately. I've kinda been MIA. Work has been intense and insane and busy, and school is also keeping me going, with tons of work. So if I don't blog for a while again, well...sorry. In the meantime though, I have a confession to make.

The green monster of jealousy, it has been bothering me lately.

I'm at that age where a lot of my friends/people my age are starting to get engaged/married/pregnant etc. While I am genuinely happy when my friends find a good person that they want to spend their lives with, it always gives me a few pangs of jealousy too. I want that happiness for me too.

I'm not in a relationship, and haven't really ever been in one that I would call long term. I want a husband and kids one day, and sometimes it scares me that I won't find someone that I can see as my husband/parenting partner.

In the university setting, its not easy to find someone that I can respect as a potential partner. I don't drink to excess, I don't smoke (legal or illegal) and I demand that same out of a potential relationship, but with that statement, I probably crossed off 99% of the guys I go to school with.

I'm the girl that reads mom blogs and mentally files away tips, ideas, etc for when I have kids, but I'm not the one that's dating seriously or getting married. With Singles Awareness (Valentines) Day coming up, the pangs of jealousy escalate more than a little bit.

One day, I want to be someone's wife and someone's mom, but for now, its "Miss, table of 1."

Love and marriage

I guess I'm at that age in life where people I know, and people I went to high school with, are going to start getting married and having babies. Excuse me while I freak out about that for a few minutes.

One girl I went to high school with married at 19 and already has a daughter, but that just made us all think she was crazy. But now, slowly, engagements are starting to pop up, and wedding dates are being set. A girl I've known since we were babies (our mothers were friends) just got married and moved cross country with her husband.

Things like this hit me like a train, and remind me we're all growing up and growing apart. Its weird, because I don't feel any more grown up than I did in high school. (See: Name of blog). Sometimes, engagement announcements make me feel a wee stab of jealousy, simply because I'm dating someone right now, while other people are committing to forever. (Don't remind me about divorce statistics, that's NOT THE POINT.)

But then I sit back for a minute and realize there's a reason I'm not seriously dating someone right now. Its one of two things: either I haven't found the right person yet, or I'm not ready to settle down with someone yet. Either way, its a good thing that I'm not engaged, because the idea of getting married reasonably soon freaks.me.out.yo!

This is probably a ramble-y blog entry, mostly because I'm still trying to wrap my head around the subject. On one hand, I'd love to be in a serious relationship and ready to marry someone, and on the other, that thought makes me want to head for the hills. Like I said on Twitter, its an odd mix of my desire to get married and have a family, and my desire to stay single and free for now.

Is this my bio clock ticking? Cause seriously, I am too young for this shit.